Have you ever looked around and noticed that your life is on a collision course? You can see that it is going to be bad, but you can't actually do anything about it?
That's where I am right now and it is taking a lot of my energy to deal with it. I have a lot of family issues that are coming to a head, finals, and a bunch of other things that are all about to invade my life at once. Some of them I have some control over, others I am helpless to stop.
So, I know that I haven't been around here a lot, but I am officially saying that I am going to be away a while. I just have too much that has to get done and I am trying to find ways to pull as much of my life together as possible.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
In case you didn't know...
I'm impatient. Really, REALLY, REALLY, impatient. I like things to happen the way I want them to happen, at the exact time I want them to happen. I know, right now your thinking, doesn't everyone? Well, I suppose this is true, but I have a really hard time waiting for things.
I have to believe that a lot of this comes from the fact that a lot of good things happen to me. In the past year I've finished my master's degree, visited three countries, gotten married, gotten into and started a PhD program, been accepted to a training program, been awarded a fellowship, and been accepted to present at a conference. So I suppose it's safe to say that things are going pretty well for me. But, (and this is a really big but) for everything that I can list that I've gotten there are things that I haven't gotten. Internships and scholarships that I was rejected from, my first choice school for my master's that turned me down (I imagine they were laughing while they were writing that letter), I was not awarded another training position, and a hundred other things that didn't work out the way I planned.
So why exactly does this make me impatient? I think its because I image that things will always work out. Sure, when I get rejected from something I'm devastated. I mope around the house for a few days, cry in my office, and eat a lot of chocolate. But at the end of the day I honestly believe if I try hard enough, for a long enough period of time, I will eventually succeed. I'm not sure how I got into this mindset, but it has served me well. Except for the fact that it make me really impatient, because I believe I will eventually succeed and I would really like to get to that part. I'd really like to skip the parts that I"m in right now and get to the part where I am succeeding.
I have to believe that a lot of this comes from the fact that a lot of good things happen to me. In the past year I've finished my master's degree, visited three countries, gotten married, gotten into and started a PhD program, been accepted to a training program, been awarded a fellowship, and been accepted to present at a conference. So I suppose it's safe to say that things are going pretty well for me. But, (and this is a really big but) for everything that I can list that I've gotten there are things that I haven't gotten. Internships and scholarships that I was rejected from, my first choice school for my master's that turned me down (I imagine they were laughing while they were writing that letter), I was not awarded another training position, and a hundred other things that didn't work out the way I planned.
So why exactly does this make me impatient? I think its because I image that things will always work out. Sure, when I get rejected from something I'm devastated. I mope around the house for a few days, cry in my office, and eat a lot of chocolate. But at the end of the day I honestly believe if I try hard enough, for a long enough period of time, I will eventually succeed. I'm not sure how I got into this mindset, but it has served me well. Except for the fact that it make me really impatient, because I believe I will eventually succeed and I would really like to get to that part. I'd really like to skip the parts that I"m in right now and get to the part where I am succeeding.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Someday
Someday I'll be amazing. I'll graduate from my PhD program, get a job, own a house, two and half dogs, and be able to do whatever I want. I'll win the awards, be the one who gets the applause, and find myself with a thirty page CV. Someday I'll finish my novel, query, get an agent, a publisher, and I'll visit my book at Barnes and Noble every week. Someday I'll learn to start projects before the day before they are due so I won't have to stay up till 1AM writing a paper. Someday I'll be brave enough to ask for things I know I deserve. I'll manage to overcome my insecurities. Someday I"ll be the person I always wanted to be.
Someday is not today.
Someday is not today.
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